new outfit: patterned pants

rae's days ootd new pants

I’ve been looking for patterned pants for a while now and finally stumbled on the perfect pair from Banana Republic. I’ve been so into green lately, and these are green and gorgeous and have a cute, tiny pattern that doesn’t overwhelm. I paired them with a gray T and my blue blazer. I can’t wait to wear these with a thousand things–like Jack Donaghy I’m into power clashing.

Pants from Banana Republic, shoes/T shirt from Target, bag from H&M, blazer from Marshals.

Happy Labor Day weekend! I hope everyone has a safe, fun long weekend. I’m planning lots of relaxing and hopefully some fun in the sun.

crazy in love: dangerous behavior from fictional men

A man repeatedly tries to get you to go somewhere after you’ve said no. He holds you against your will, and insists he is in a relationship with you and he’s just trying to take care of you. Just when you think you’ve gotten rid of him, he shows up again, to tell you again how much he loves you.

This isn’t the beginning of a scary story. It’s describing many male fictional characters and how they woo their great loves.

In Under the Dome–the most recent example of this conundrum on my TV screen–Junior kidnaps Angie. He locks her in a storm cellar, tries to get her to dress up in a dress he chooses, and chains her so she can’t escape. Angie gets out, but later she runs into Junior and–surprise, surprise–he attempts to control her again. Junior’s constant refrain is that he’s taking care of Angie, doing it for her own good because he cares about her and the dome is making her sick.

And in the last episode the dome really did make her sick, and Angie had a seizure. So I guess Junior was right after all. And people on Twitter are talking about how cute they are and how attractive Junior is. (For the record, I am talking about the TV show. I think author Stephen King actually does a pretty great job portraying creepy, dangerous people as creepy and dangerous–not cute.)

In real life, this can be an incredibly dangerous situation, but our culture and our fiction keep telling men to not listen to women and to not leave them alone, all in the name of love.

Men are taught that if at first your girl says no, ask her out repeatedly until you wear her down. And then, of course, you’ll fall in love because persistence pays off. And women are taught they are rude ice queens if they say no to someone who tries so hard to show they care.

Edward should probably be arrested for his stalking, but instead Bella thinks it’s endearing. On the Secret Life of the American Teenager (yeah, I’ve seen every episode), Ben refuses to leave Amy alone because he just knows they will end up together, and it’s portrayed as sweet puppy love. Spike stalks and attacks Buffy, but they still hook up.

Look at other great fictional loves and you’ll see similar patterns, even with Cory and Topanga, The Great Love Story Of Our Time. Similarly, Carrie tells Big she never wants to see him again, right before he comes to Paris to save her.

And the worst part about it is that this “love” is celebrated. I can’t look at Twitter without seeing people talk about Junior and Angie, or shipping Spike and Buffy. There are probably more people on Team Edward than who voted in the last election.

Celebrating this is scary. Teaching young women and men that this is how relationships work is scary. Having someone refuse to hear your no is scary.

And we are adding to this culture of steamrolling women’s boundaries when we don’t recognize this behavior for what it is: dangerous, disrespectful, and manipulative.

Having someone ignore your needs isn’t a way to begin a love story. And if the guy who just asked you out on a date sneaks into your house to watch you sleep, for the love of God, call the police.

(The Gift of Fear does a really great job talking about this and how women can be safer in these situations. Everyone should read it–men, too.)

project life: july

project life album rae's days

This summer has gone so fast that I’ve just now caught up on Project life. I added an insert for my birthday and two pages for July.

birthday project life

For my birthday, I added a half page with pictures and a page protector with my post of things I’ve learned this past year printed out.

rae's days birthday insert project life

I added some pictures of flowers I got and some cards and tissue paper from gifts. I like how simple the inserts were to make and how pretty and colorful it is.

rae's days project life

For July, I didn’t have many pictures of me and my friends, so I used the other pictures I had on hand. The large picture on the right is from getting drinks on the roof of the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

rae's days project life pictures

I also added #fatcat of course and some books I read that month. I’m really crushed I didn’t take more pictures from the Fourth of July and all the other fun times this month, but I’ll just have to do better in the future. I think the pages still look nice and I wrote some notes on my date card so I would remember the events.

up on the roof project life card

My favorite was this enlarged picture and the up on the roof embellishment. I think it’s just cute. August is almost over so soon I’ll be doing pages for this month, too!

You can see my other project life updates here:

new outfit: summer brights

rae's days work outfit

Teal, orange, and yellow are a few of my favorite colors. And while it’s still summer, I’m going to keep wearing brights. (Though let’s be real, I’ll keep wearing them in winter, too.) Shoes from JC Penney, skirt from the Loft, sweater and bag from Target, necklace from H&M.

embroidery display update

embroidery display rae's days

I have finally added my latest embroideries to my embroidery display!

embroidery display

I am slowly but steadily filling the space above my bed. I love having them in my home–I love any handmade item in my home. I think it adds originality and personality, and I’m of course also proud that I made them myself.

display embroidery hoops

I’m getting quite a collection, and I’d love to keep going. I think they look lovely as a group. The whole is just as good as the parts.

cropped_MG_0927

I am working on a project to sew some of my favorite quotes and images from books. You can see the other quotes in my embroidery project here:

10 books i haven’t read

mockingbird

Sometimes there feels like there is just never enough time to catch up. I could read all day and all night and never read all the things that look interesting. There’s so many classic books I still need to read, I wonder how I’ll ever manage to get to the new fantastic books coming out. And Twitter leads me to a hundred interesting articles before I’ve even had coffee. What’s a girl to do?!

I think I read probably more than the average person. I’m certainly no Stephen King, who reads roughly 70 or 80 books a year according to On Writing, but I generally am always in the middle of a book. But there are some books that have escaped my 20-some-odd years of reading.

  • To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. I know, I know! But I just haven’t gotten to it yet, ok? I also haven’t seen the movie, and I’m not even entirely sure what it’s about. A trial? A guy named Atticus Finch? I’m the worst!
  • Same with 1984 by George Orwell. (I also haven’t read Animal Farm)
  • Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I’ve seen the movie though!
  • Lord of the Flies by William Golding. But I’m pretty sure this is about an island of boys, right? Kind of like a terrifying Peter Pan, where there aren’t any grown-ups?
  • Rabbit, Run by John Updike. I have been meaning to read Updike for years–years I tell you!
  • Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson. I have read The Rum Diary, so I’m not totally hopeless when it comes to Hunter S. Thompson.
  • Pride And Prejudice by Jane Austen. Although I have started this a few times, and I completely love the movie.
  • The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien. Any of them. I haven’t even read The Hobbit. I’m totally failing at being a nerd.
  • The Stand. I love Stephen King. He’s one of my favorite authors and this is one of his most famous books.
  • And finally, anything by Elmore Leonard. After his death, it has re-come to my attention how much I have messed up by not reading his books. I’ve read his rules, and I’ve seen the movies. But why have I never read any of his books? I am positive I would love them. Anyone have a rec for what I should start with?

Are there any books you haven’t read that you think you should have? Please keep me from being too embarrassed and share some of your own.

kites, the beach, and what i wore

beach coney island

We are quickly running out of weekends in the summer. Luckily I got down to the beach for a few hours in the sun over the weekend. I’m not too far from Coney Island and Brighton Beach, and it’s one of my favorite summer spots. It’s easy for me to get to, a free public beach, and it’s full of people and colorful fun. There was a breeze the day we went, and we saw a ton of kites flying. I am so thankful I live close to the ocean. And this is what I wore (over my bathing suit, of course).

croppeddress